Perspective
by wideopeneyes
Summary: Everyone has a different perspective, and sometimes life would be a whole lot easier if you just knew what the other person was thinking.


Sometimes she doesn't smile. Sometimes she just sits and stares into the distance and thinks about _god knows what_ until your brain explodes while you try to figure her out. And it's weird because she's _Rikku_ and she doesn't think that hard about _anything_ and seeing her just drift away in the middle of a movie or a conversation or anything is _really _fucking weird because it's like she's not there at all and she's quiet and still and those are two things you would never ever _ever _associate with her unless there's something horribly, terribly wrong.

And the worst part is that when she comes out of it she's all bouncy and smiley again like she never sat there for thirty _goddamn_ minutes looking like some sort of creepy Rikku-doll with lifeless eyes and making no sound whatsoever.

And I think _that_ Rikku is worse than the one that's constantly destroying my temple. I can deal with destructiveRikku, but the silent, sad Rikku? That one I can't even touch. They're not even the same person, really. And I wonder, which one is real? Or is either of them really real?

Because I haven't known, not for sure, since before The Calm. That was when she changed, when _everything_ changed. When she left Bikanel and went head-to-head with Sin. And I still don't know _why_, because she can't claim unconditional love for the cousin she never even fucking _met_. I have cousins I _have_ met that I wouldn't even lend twenty gil much less go on a _pilgrimage_ with.

And I get a little irritated when I think about it because I couldn't even ask her not to go because, you know, who am I? Just a guy with relatively little importance, who worried like hell about her back then and who is _still_ worried like hell about her because I haven't got the _slightest clue_ what's wrong.

But part of me thinks that maybe it's got something to do with me, you know? Because every so often when she thinks I'm not paying attention sometimes she looks at _me_ all funny and I wanna tell her to cut it out because in a way that's even creepier than her _doll_ thing. But I can't quite find the words.

- -

Sometimes he doesn't smile. And it's sad because I know _just_ how gorgeous he is when he's smiling, and it's sadder because when he _is_ smiling, it's never at me. And I know that no matter what happens, that smile will never be a smile just for me and I don't know which is worse, the not smiling or the smiling at some other girl.

And I think, _I want him to be happy_. Because when you love someone, you _want_ them to be happy, but you want them to be happy with _you_, and maybe if they're with someone else you _still_ want them to be happy, but you want that other girl to fall off a shoopuf or…or maybe get an awful haircut so he'll dump her.

And you think that you can't take _one more minute_ of seeing him with someone else, _happy_ with someone else. And then you feel awful for begrudging him his happiness when, if you _really_ love him, you should put his happiness over everything.

But you can't help wondering what it would be like if maybe one day he just woke up and realized that – unlike that other girl he's been seeing – you really do have _fantastic _hair and he wants to get married and have lots and lots of babies blessed with the genetic predisposition to fabulous hair.

And you remember that that's why you left Bikanel in the first place, because even though you lovelove_love_ him to itty bitty heart-shaped pieces, he's just your _friend_, and that's all he'll ever want to be, and confessing your love for him will only ruin your friendship and forever doom you to that pathetic unrequited-love category. But at least it can't _technically_ be an unrequited love unless you confess it and get rejected. So I'm stuck holding it in. And it's _sad_ because I'm so close to him…and still so far away.

-

She's so _close_, but still so far away, lost in one of those little oblivious episodes of hers. Even if I wave my hand in front of her face, I know she'll stare right through it. It's weird because normally she's so _animated_ and larger than life that I guess when she sits there on the sofa, tucked up into a little ball I remember that really she's just one girl, not very big, not very intimidating. She takes up virtually no space at all, probably five of her could fit on my sofa with no problem.

And I wonder what she's got that could be so _absorbing_. It seems like all she does lately is hang around Djose, fixing up machines, occasionally heading into Luca during Blitz season. And I'll be damned if she's not the best fucking mechanic I've ever had, but then she _is_ Cid's kid.

She hasn't been around with any of the local boys, and I haven't heard tell of any Luca boys either, so I'm pretty sure she hasn't gotten dumped recently. I'd know if she had – and I'd have had a word or two with the kid that was idiotic enough to let her go. Because really, she's _Rikku_, and I'd take her in a minute if I thought she'd have me. But then again, _she's Rikku_, two-time heroine, mechanic extraordinaire, practically Al Bhed royalty. She could do _so much better_ than me.

And what would she want with me, anyway, you know? All I've really got is a moderately successful faction and awesome hair. So it's probably best if I just keep my idiotic thoughts to myself.

But I can't help thinking, _if she were my girl, I'd make sure she never had a reason to be sad._

Because she _deserves_ happiness. She _deserves_ someone who'll keep her smiling. Because even if she isn't the fastest chocobo in the herd, she's got so much heart, so much enthusiasm for life, so much _everything_. And I don't deserve that _everything_ she's got.

But I wonder if maybe I should tell her _something_, _anything_ that'll keep that blank look out of her eyes because Rikku should be _anything_ but blank. And I've got a _lot_ that I want to tell her, but nothing that'll make her happy, keep things from being weird between us, because the last think I want is blank _and_ awkward.

And, as she comes out of her _doll-thing_ and catches me staring at her, I grapple desperately for _one goddamn thing_ that's not weird or creepy, but the only thing that comes out is:

"You know, you really _do_ have fantastic hair."


End file.
